David Read peered at the audience from off-stage. His set was next. Read saw people in the crowd dancing and smiling, and he wondered if he was going to throw up.
Like most musicians getting ready to play live, Read asked himself, ‘What if nobody likes my songs?’ and ‘What if I mess up the chords?’
Another worry hung over Read’s head too: ‘What if my hair falls out?’
Read's alopecia has rattled his confidence since he was a teenager. Now, 22-year-old Read is retaking control of his self-image by pursuing his passion for music.
Read was diagnosed with alopecia universalis when he was 11 years old. Alopecia universalis is a disease which causes the immune system to mistakenly attack hair follicles, leading to the complete loss of hair on the scalp and body, according to the NIH website.
When Read was first diagnosed with alopecia, he wasn’t concerned. His hair loss wasn’t permanent. It grows back in between flare-ups of alopecia.
But after a bout of total hair loss struck Read during his freshman year of high school, he started to see the autoimmune disease as a problem.
Read only shared his diagnosis with his close friends. So, when other students at his school saw hairless Read in the hallways, some assumed he had cancer.
One of Read’s classmates started avoiding him because they thought he was going to die, he said. Read didn’t know how to confront this misunderstanding.
“I was like, 'Oh Man,' cause what can you really do?” Read said.
While his peers were making decisions about how they wanted to present themselves to the world, Read was convinced his ability to shape his image — and his life — was limited.
Read needed an outlet to process his emotions, so he turned to music.
One late afternoon, Read waited for his family to clear out of the house. Then, he rushed down the basement stairs with his guitar.
He fiddled with notes, wrote lyrics, and rewrote them. Hours later, he bounded up the steps with the first draft of his first song. Read realized that he could express himself the way he wanted through making art.
That was the moment Read took back control of his confidence, he said.
“It was almost like a rebirth,” Read said.
But nothing has reshaped Read’s self-image as much as performing.
The first time Read looked down at an audience to see them clapping along to the beat he created, he knew the stage was where he was meant to be.
Seeing people enjoy and connect with his music in real time is what drives Read to overcome his fears and step into the spotlight, he said.
“It’s all about chasing that feeling,” Read said.
And Read plans to chase that feeling for the rest of his life.
Whether it’s balancing two managers or working at a music marketing agency to supplement his income, Read will do whatever it takes to continue creating his art for as long as he can, he said.
“Hopefully, I never run out of inspiration for it,” Read said. “I don't think I've come close yet.”
